MrsMommyCEO

Little Sir

 

I realized today that my youngest son has a new nickname, one that is so fitting in my opinion, that I catch myself calling him by it more and more often. Little Sir. Which may sound strange, but in our house (where I am the only girl amongst 4 boys) the term sir is very common.

My 4 year old and I have a running joke, whenever he does something for me, I always respond in a very deep and formal voice and say, "Thank you sir". To which he replies, "Your welcome ma'am". So because my four year old is Sir, his younger brother could only be Little Sir.

 

And believe me, this little sir is an ornery one indeed. But he's just so cute, most of the time I can't help but scoop him up for hugs and kisses. He's now infamous for using everything from boxes, to ride-on trucks, to people in order to hoist himself up on to the couches. And when he gets there, oh you've never seen a baby beam with pride the way that he does. He's discovered the trash can, and not only does he love to take things out, but he loves to put things in! It's hilarious to constantly look in the trash can before you throw anything away to make sure there are no sippy cups or little people that need rescuing!

 

Charming should have been his middle name, because he has a smile and a sideways glance that will just melt your heart. He catches people's eye in stores and makes them smile or in the case of one lady in line behind us, play peek-a-boo. His giggle can make just about anyone turn and smile. He's truly just delightful and joyous (and of course I'm not at all bias!)

I am so eager to see the little boy that he will become and I am humbled and grateful to be along for the ride.

I miss scrapping...

I'm a little melancholy today, lazing around with a horrible cold, and I just really feel like I want to try to make some time to scrap every once and a while. Browsing the galleries a bit today has me thinking of all the time I waste... watching bad reality tv, playing silly facebook games, and obsessively tidying up... if I added all that up, I would have more time for work and at least a little time for scrapping.

Another thing I realizes, while reading Stacy Julian's Big Picture Scrapbooking is that scrapping is NOT a bad use of my time. It can be a very positive thing in your life if you make sure you go into it with the right frame of mind and attitude. One thing that she emphasizes is, is that being a scrapper makes you stop and look at like differently. You catch meaningful little moments, you take more photos, and you appreciate the details. Looking at it from that perspective makes me see this hobby in a new light. It also makes me want to jump back in, a little.

I'll be the first to admit that I took on too much before and my motivations became a little skewed and all it did was turn scrapping into a chore and an obligation, it made my creative outlet a competition for me and all of this added up to a real negative.

Now I've never been motivated by "memory-keeping" per se, I began scrapping for the amazing creative outlet that it was, for the fun that I had doing it and the skills that it enabled me to explore as a graphic designer. One of the wonderful side-effects was that I was taking more photos, I was learning to use my camera, and I was gaining a little confidence that I was enjoying something that I was pretty good at.

But there is a competitive side to scrapbooking that I think will eat you up, if you let it. I think it takes a very strong person to browse the galleries and not compare their work to others. And let's not even get started on comparing teams. These were the things that were stealing the joy of scrapping from me. Now maybe some people aren't effected by these things and I think that's wonderful for them, but I am ever the over-achiever and in trying to be "the best", I just completely lost all the positive benefits.

So this time, I think I can come in a little more seasoned. I'm not so wide-eyed and new... and I know what to avoid and what things will only drag me down.

We'll see if I can make the changes that I need to in order to take advantage of one of God's greatest blessings... time. We chose how we spend every single second and I know that overall, I can make better choices and I'll reap the benefits of that. Because really, 10 years from now am I going to remember that I watched Top Chef every time it was on... or will I remember the memories that I make with my family because I have the pages to show for it. Will it matter that I was finally able to beat my mom's score on Pathwords... or will it matter that I was able to use my God-given talents and opportunities to run my own business, provide for my family, and stay home with my children. I know that I have to make better choices.

Randomness and Routine

First a random photo of my youngest son that I absolutely love...
 
And what's he chewing on you ask? The string from my sweatpants! Do you know how much time I spend trying to keep him from eating strings on my hoodies and sweatpants?!? He caught me here because I was more focused on getting him to stand still for a photo than actually watching what he was doing!

In my quest to be more efficient with my time, I'm starting to realize my total lack of a routine... when did this happen I wonder? I'm a creature that requires structure, habit, and consistency... I do not "wing-it", nor do I go with the flow. I like to know what's coming and what's required of me next. So how is it that I've lost all sense of a routine in my life?

Don't get my wrong, my day has a pattern and some general structure, but these have developed over the general necessities of life. I get up, get the kids fed and make sure anyone that will be leaving the house is out of their pjs. I get kids to school, make meals, bring kids home from school, clean up meals, pick up toys... but all of this comes from the natural demands of life. All the free time in between these activities is getting lost or wasted. I think I generally have a habit at looking at any amount of time less than 30 mins as useless and this is contributing to my frustration.

For instance, if it's 11:15 and I know that my youngest son will be up around 11:35, then I end up spending those 20 mins surfing the internet or playing games on facebook. If you add up all the 20 min gaps of time in my day, it adds up to a LOT of time. I realize that I'm not going to get the 3 hour block of time that I crave to do all my work at once... but I'm realizing that THIS is my life, I have to embrace it, not wake up every morning frustrated about the things or the time or the nanny that I do not have.

I've been known to say that I can't work in small chunks of time and I'm realizing this is a cop out on my part. Of course no one would choose to work this way... actually, I take that back... Because in truth I actually am choosing to work this way. I'm choosing to own and run my business while raising a family and running a house. So newsflash to me: Either I learn how to work in small chunks of time, or I stop working... what an epiphany!

The more I think on this, the more I am coming up with ways to adapt the things I need to do into a new type of routine. Instead of listing "Balance checkbooks" on my to-do list (which is typically a 45 min-1 hour activity for me), I have to break it down in to more manageable items... pay bills, update personal checkbook, update business checkbook... all of which can be accomplished in individual 20 min segments.

I'm really feeling very encouraged about learning to love the life I have and embrace it... instead of yearning for a life that I don't think I would really want if I had it. I believe that God gives us the things that we need, because He knows what is best for us... so in this instance, I'm going to appreciate all the wonderful blessings in my life and work on enjoying them and finding ways to make them all co-exist.

Back in the swing of things

In keeping with one of my 2009 goals, I was up at 6 am this morning and headed towards a hot cup of coffee and some quiet time with my Bible... and of course the little man had other ideas. I don't know if it's my alarm clock that wakes him up or if he just senses something but me getting up early normally equals him getting up early, which means my other two inevitably wake up early... there is a very large domino effect that I'm working to overcome here!

Ideally, by March when my husband starts back to work, I would like to be waking up at 5 am... yeah, yeah, stop laughing. But it's realistically what I have to do in order to get up, showered and steal even 20 mins to myself before the rest of the house wakes up. However now I'm secretly terrified that Logan will start waking at 5 am and I'm just not sure my patience can withstand that!

I rolled with the punches this morning, kids up early, a shouting match over tooth brushes, and an overtired little boy... and hey, I still managed to accomplish some work!

Work... I haven't said much lately, but that's not because I'm not thinking about it. I'm actually more focused on work right now then I have been in a very long time. We are moving forward in a new direction and I'm so excited and energized to be the driving force behind our direction again.

So now it's off to fight one of my biggest nemesis'... naptime... oh not for the kids, for me! It's my guiltiest pleasure, I love a good afternoon catnap and breaking the habit is SO SO SO hard, but so necessary. Wish me luck!    

Hanging up my cape...

Yep... that's right, I have finally come to admit it... I am not Superwoman, nor will I ever be. WHAT?!? You mean you all knew this? Well, it's news to me.

Over the passed three months, I've undergone the most dramatic internal transformation of my entire life. God is changing everything about me for the better, He's changing the way I look at life, the way I look at myself, the way I look at the world around me... and it's absolutely amazing.

One of the biggest things that God has shown me is that I am not Superwoman. I cannot do it all and I was not meant to try. Instead, He is teaching me to embrace the person that I was born to be, the person that He made me to be. I'm learning that I have to truly put my priorities in order every single day... God, my husband, my children, my family, my work... I have to focus on these things and let God help me to get rid of all the other things in my life that are just stealing my focus from what truly matters!

As I've said, I've been praying and thinking a great deal on my goals for this year and finally, here they are...
1. Daily prayer and Bible study
2. Focus on leading a more God-centered life instead of a self-centered one
3. Setting realistic goals
4. Being more efficient with my time
5. To unplug from electronics and PLUG-IN to my family

And as I've been setting these goals for myself and visualizing how to succeed at them, I've also been conscious of an idea advocated by two very inspirational women. Both Ali Edwards and Janet Phillips practice a form of the "word for the year" concept. So in praying and thinking on these goals I've realized it all boils down to one thing...

FAITH

Everything I want to be, everything I want to do, all of it comes back to my faith in God. I am doing everything I can to make faith the very core of my life and I know that in doing this, I'll be able to accomplish my goals by doing it God's way, not mine. If you know me, this completely goes against my grain, so it's a huge step for me to realize that I need to be a follower, not a leader... But who better is there to follow? Who better is there to serve? I now realize that when I'm not serving God, I'm merely serving someone or something else... I fall prey to the temptations of materialism, greed, and pride.

With all this being said, I have come to the realization that I cannot keep up two blogs. Keeping one is VERY important to me, having an outlet to share this journey is a definite priority to me. So even though my other blog is merely in it's infancy, I'll be closing it down. I've also realized that by separating my faith to it's own blog, I'm in some ways hiding it... which is the very last thing that I want to do. I have a tendency to think stereotypically about "religion" in a public forum and I never want to cause offense to anyone. However, I also realize that God is working in my life and calling on me to let my faith shine through my entire life... even my online life... and if that is offensive to anyone, then I have to accept that and if I have no readers, I'll accept that too... because I know that at the end of the day, I'm answering to God and I believe that this is where he's leading me.
***

A bit of reflection: I was sitting with my husband yesterday watching the Winter Classic and I was sharply reminded of January 1st of last year. I remember watching the same outdoor hockey game, I remember arguing with my husband over whether or not drinking Diet Coke broke my "no soda" resolution, and I remember being so very depressed. My two month old wasn't sleeping, I felt horrible about my body, and I was in a constant state of anxiety... and I truly do mean constant. I was completely incapable of coping with life around me.

Oh the journey this year has been... But I look back without regret, for all of it brought me to exactly where I needed to be... with God. I see now what landed me in the horrible state that I existed in for so long. I see the lies that controlled my mind and all the ways that I tried to hold on to the negative things in my life that were ultimately just shoving me further and further down. Only God can heal our brokenness, only He can re-build and make us better and stronger and wiser. I am grateful that I fell as hard as I did, grateful that I gave up and cried out to Him because since that day, I don't feel like the same person. I don't walk around waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for something bad to happen, waiting for something to worry about... Now I live in today and I do everything that I can to appreciate the blessed life that I lead. Tomorrow will come and it will bring whatever it does... and it's just not so scary when I know that God will be right there with me.